The question of “who pays for what?” can be one of the most talked-about and often stressful topics in wedding planning. While traditional etiquette gives us some clear guidelines, modern weddings are much more flexible, with couples and families often sharing costs in a way that works for everyone.
Let’s dive into the common questions and break down the traditional rules and the more common modern solutions for who foots the bill in the United States.
Q1: What are the traditional financial responsibilities?
Traditionally, wedding finances were divided based on a clear separation between the bride’s and groom’s families. Think of it as a playbook from a different era.
The Bride’s Family Traditionally Pays For:
The bulk of the wedding and reception costs, including the venue, food, music, and decorations.
The wedding planner, invitations, and stationery.
The bride’s wedding gown and accessories.
Photography and videography.
The ceremony costs and flowers for the bridal party.
The engagement party.
The Groom’s Family Traditionally Pays For:
The engagement ring and the bride’s wedding ring.
The rehearsal dinner (including the venue, food, and drinks).
The marriage license and officiant’s fee.
The honeymoon.
The bride’s bouquet.
Q2: How has this changed in modern weddings?
Today, these traditions are more of a guideline than a rule. With many couples getting married later and being more financially independent, it’s very common for them to contribute a significant amount or even pay for the entire wedding themselves.
Here’s how things are commonly handled now:
The Three-Way Split: The most popular modern approach is for the couple and both sets of parents to each contribute one-third of the total wedding costs. It’s a simple, fair way to share the load.
A La Carte Contributions: Families may offer to pay for a specific part of the wedding that is meaningful to them. For example, the groom’s parents may offer to cover the entertainment and the bar, while the bride’s parents may pay for the venue and catering.
The Couple Pays for It All: Many couples choose to pay for the wedding themselves to have complete creative and financial control. This is a great option if parents aren’t in a position to contribute, or if you simply want to make all the decisions without outside influence.
Q3: What about the pre-wedding events?
Even with the main wedding costs being more flexible, there are still some generally accepted norms for who pays for pre-wedding events.
Bridal Shower: This is typically hosted and paid for by the Maid of Honor and bridesmaids. The bride’s family may also help with planning.
Bachelorette Party: The cost is typically split evenly among all attendees, excluding the bride. The maid of honor is responsible for the planning.
Rehearsal Dinner: Traditionally, the groom’s family hosts and pays for the rehearsal dinner. This is a widely followed tradition, though the couple or both sets of parents may also contribute.
Q4: Who pays for wedding party attire and travel?
This is a very common question, and the answer is quite clear:
Attire: The bridesmaids and groomsmen are responsible for paying for their own attire, including dresses, suits or tuxedos, shoes, and any necessary alterations.
Travel: Members of the wedding party are also responsible for their own travel expenses and accommodations to and from the wedding.
Final Advice: The Conversation is Key
Ultimately, modern wedding etiquette is less about strict rules and more about open and honest communication. Before you start planning anything, have a calm and transparent conversation with your partner and both sets of parents. Discuss your financial goals, ask what everyone is willing and able to contribute, and agree on a budget that works for everyone.
This will prevent misunderstandings and ensure that your wedding is a joyful celebration for all involved, without the added stress of financial tension.